My liver just broke up with me...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
