I love black thongs
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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