miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
