Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
