how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
handjob tips. give me some.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
