drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is this the sara with the beer cane?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
