i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
