Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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