I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
