can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
