great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
