there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
