So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
