People in love make me want to vomit
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
