so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
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The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
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Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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