I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
