...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
