bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Randomize
