Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
