I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
