i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
