Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
