he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
