Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize