Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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