all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
