she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
