I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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