Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
