Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
