I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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