I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
