i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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