she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
