I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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