Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
