and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
