i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dicks are not precious.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
