he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
