he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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