I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
