We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
