He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize