If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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