They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize