why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
