just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
