Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
