Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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