I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
