That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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