Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
