Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
