I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
