I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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