So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
