Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How does one acquire holy water?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
