You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
