so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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