Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
