They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
