She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
