hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
