these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
