I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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