You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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