i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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