If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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