dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
