i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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