I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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