What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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